Thursday night I was praying.
I was very conscious of Jesus very, very gently asking me a question.
"“Why do you not receive my love with joy?"”
It was so gently asked; there was nothing but love in the question, and I knew it was being asked for me to realise what the answer was.
The answer ...
"My heart is so battered, it'’s full of holes, like a sieve,
love just leaks out,
it is only there for a while and then it's gone"
there was a follow on question
"and your soul?"
"My soul is so battered, bruised and scarred that it'’s barely recognisable as a soul"”
These were things that Jesus already knew,
but I didn't -– well I did,
but I had not put the words together,
and it was time to put them together.
Friday morning I had a meeting with a wise and Godly man.
At one point he said "you have an unusual soul"–
I smiled -– if he only knew how I see it!
He went on to say that my soul is an unusual mix of the pragmatic and the poetic.
He told me many things -– some of them will leak out of my heart in a while but for now they sit there.
In amongst all of this was a very strange reaction.
Last night checking my emails I had a bit of a song running through my head.
The only word that I could remember was Hallelujah.
And I suddenly started to cry;
I cried deep tears, tears from my soul.
Hallelujah - Praise God
it just induces tears,
deep tears that I don't have the words to explain.
Deep tears of my soul, and the reassurance that God understands.
Deep tears of my soul, pouring out in praise to my God.
